Everyday Blessings in My Town
June 8, 2009
Like so many of my readers, my family has it’s own struggles in this economy. It’s so very easy to become a victim in times like these, as the list of Universal and society transgressions against us grows daily. While I do a pretty good job managing the stress of current times and creating my own experience within the culture, I have to admit, there are days when I fall into the pit. Last week was one of those times. I just simply felt overwhelmed and a little beaten up by life.
Conscious of where I was and desperate to get back on solid ground, I called a friend on Thursday who gently took my hand and encouragingly helped me forward. So, by 2:30pm pacific standard time that day, I was feeling really pretty good — back in “the flow.” At 3:20pm when I hit a parked car picking up my daughter from school I was faced with another choice. Admittedly, I started to fall back into the pit. I was so frustrated that I had only had 45 minutes of feeling good before “circumstances” appeared to have turned against me. As someone who doesn’t believe in coincidence or accidents, I felt a little conspired against.
But, rather quickly, I began to see the blessings unfolding around me. First, the nice Lexus that I hit only had paint damage, no one was hurt AND it was a loner car. The person in the car was rather upset that it was a loner, but in my heart, I felt so good knowing that the car was headed back to the dealership where no on would be inconvenienced. As a matter of fact — it was headed back to the dealership from it’s parked space where I dinged it. It was totally my fault and I expressed that several times while giving the driver my insurance information.
Once home, the dealership was on the phone (boy are they fast!), proclaiming to have good news for me. He was telling me that the damages couldn’t be more than $300 and if I had a high deductible perhaps I didn’t really want to call my insurance company. Something didn’t feel right (I scraped a little paint — I know Lexus paint is more expensive than Honda paint but really?) – again, the blessing of staying in my heart. Indeed, not only is my deductible lower, but because there was no damage to my car (at least none worth fixing), this accident fell under property damage and there was no deductible at all. Whew!
My guess is, the damage is really only about $160 and the dealership will be aptly compensated — I have great insurance.
The moral of my story? Life happens. I don’t know why that little incident took place when it did. Perhaps I needed the experience of feeling powerful even when circumstances could be disempowering. Perhaps the driver of the other car needed to experience someone taking responsibility for their actions. I cannot explain why we are in the circumstances we are in all the time — nor do I feel like we should demand explanations. What I can speak to, is that when we feel empowered. . . when we choose to stay in our heart no matter what is happening around us, we will be guided to the best possible circumstances.
How do you stay in your heart? Take responsibility. Blame and excuses are ways for us to maintain a victim status and that is not an experience related to our heart. If we maintain the victim place we simply cannot feel the truth of what is going on around us because we are hiding from it. Laugh. Once I knew that the other person was OK, I found a way to chuckle about my seeming misfortune. It’s difficult to stray from your heart if you are laughing. Lastly. . . trust that there is an answer and if you are open, it will come.
What blessings have you seen in your own life lately? Share them so that we can all be more attune to the fortune that surrounds us!
AHA (OMG) Moment
May 18, 2009
When I listen to my teenage daughter and her peers I sometimes wonder if we will have to rename the Aha moment to the “OMG moment.” Regardless of what it is called, I love when it occurs.
This weekend was a huge Aha moment for me and I share it because I believe it relates to a struggle almost all of us have during some period of time. It’s our relationship with internal power. Whether we have it, don’t have it, want it or avoid it, the relationship we have with our inner power defines a large part of who we are and how we show up in the world.
I came into this world a very strong-willed and powerful person. But I never really learned how to use my power effectively; so to parody a much over-used cliche, I was a bull in a china shop. As I look back on different moments where I “charged ahead” in my youthful years I often cringe. Sometimes I got what I wanted, sometimes I took what I wanted, and if I didn’t achieve my goal there was more energy wasted on huffing and puffing than I care to remember.
Fast forward (or reverse) to the birth of my first child. I began seeing the value of softening, of nurturing, of cajoling, of guiding instead of steam rolling. Inner power, at least mine, became something I was very afraid of–I did not want to steam-roll my child. I began maneuvering to get my husband to be the powerful one in our household. The problem was, his inner power was very quiet and in fact, one of the things he had always found attractive in me and counted on was my inner fortitude.
Neither one of us knew how to move forward. He felt obligated to try but rather resentful that I expected him to achieve in ways that were similar to how I would have proceeded. I was frustrated and resentful that things were not getting done. I felt helpless — I had given over the carriage reigns and the horses were meandering as if we had no destiny. For 10 years we have been in this place where I was running from my power as if it were a disease and my husband was trying to own something that was never his and didn’t fit very well. Ironically, it was during this 10 year period that my husband struggled with his career, we’ve struggled as a couple and we’ve both been hyper self-critical.
Now fast forward. . . . To this past weekend. My husband was dealt a blow to his ego and career. As a family we are faced with choices we never saw coming. Over the last several years we have wasted time, energy, money and countless hours worrying simply because neither my husband nor I was living completely authentically. A lost job, a hope put on hold. . . that was what I needed to step back into my power.
Scary for me!! It’s taken a few days of meditating, processing and journaling to get to a place where I realize that I can be powerful as well as kind, nurturing, coddling. . . as long as my power comes from my heart. As long as I remember to ask myself, “what is my motivation for doing this?”
We all have power within us. Some of us use it gently, some hide from it, some use it creatively, some wield it like a stick and still others use it like a motor on a boat to propel them through choppy waters. We all have to find the best way to use our power. We cannot take power from someone else, nor can we borrow it. We cannot force our power onto someone else. We can lean on someone else’s power, and we can admire it. Most importantly, if we don’t like our relationship with power we can choose to move differently with our own internal power.
As I move back into understanding that I am a very powerful person and my husband reacquaints himself with his depth of power, the household feels different-hopeful. The balance of power is. . . well, it’s getting back into balance.
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